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HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR 2008 TO YOU

HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR 2008 TO YOU

What a Woman Wants in a Man

Second Pregnancy

 

 

Looks likethestork is expected again! You face is glowing, there is happiness all around and everyone is excitedly awaiting the new arrival. However, there are certain things that must be kept in mind for planning a second pregnancy. If you are thinking that since you had an easy first pregnancy, this one will be a cakewalk, think again! Majority of women don’t have the same symptoms as the first pregnancy and even get some symptoms that they were totally unaware of. Sometimes, the belly shows up within the fourth month, while for some, there are increased incidents of morning sickness. Here’s how to go about planning pregnancy for the second time.

 

Physical Preparation

 

Your body has already undergone the travails of pregnancy once. A lot of wear and tear takes place which heals with time. So when you plan to have second child, make sure that your body is in a healthy condition. Remember the body will be under immense pressure for nine months, not to mention the post-delivery complications. So make sure you give your body time to heal and become strong to bear a baby for the second time.

 

Appropriate Gap between Two Kids

 

There should be enough time gap between your first and second child. Ideally, doctors recommend that the time gap should not be less than 1.5 to 2 years. This is the time that the body also takes to prepare itself for a second baby. you also need at least two years to take care of the first baby properly and then prepare yourself for the second one. Having a toddler already and then a new born will only make things difficult for you and the children. Also, the first born child will not feel as neglected if he/she is old enough to understand that a second child is coming and needs attention.

 

Plan Carefully

 

It is a fact that most of the second pregnancies are unplanned. You need to know that your body becomes fertile in just 6 weeks after the delivery. So, plan your second baby carefully or else, you might treat it like an unwanted child. This kind of a feeling will hamper you greatly when you are pregnant as you tend to go through a stressful time and also suffer from post-partum depression.

 

Financially Strong        

 

Make sure you have enough finances to support a second baby. Doctor visits, baby products, health supplements, medicines, etc. can burn quite a hole in your pocket. So make sure you are financially sound to have a second child. Also, plan soundly for the future keeping both the kids in mind. You will need to fish out a good amount for education and career building for the two kids; not to mention their different lifestyles and demands.

 

So, keep these few things in mind and you can look forward to a great second pregnancy!

15 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR WOMAN

Its all about Wives

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

 
************
 
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met .

 
************
 
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

 
************

 
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."

I asked her, "Where's the car?"

She replied, "
In the lake."

 
************

 
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

 
************
 

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months -
I don't like to interrupt her.

 
************

 
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.

So I got myself two girlfriends.

 
************

 
Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.

 
************

 
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
 

************

 
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "
Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "
You can have mine."

 
*************

 
It's not true that married men live longer than single men.

It only seems longer.
 

*************

 
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

 
*************

 
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

 
**************

 
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once .


 
**************

 

Top 50 Things To Do To Stop Global Warming

Global warming is a dramatically urgent and serious problem. We don't need to wait for governments to find a solution for this problem: each individual can bring an important help adopting a more responsible lifestyle: starting from little, everyday things. It's the only reasonable way to save our planet, before it is too late.
Here is a list of 50 simple things that everyone can do in order to fight against and reduce the Global Warming phenomenon: some of these ideas are at no cost, some other require a little effort or investment but can help you save a lot of money, in the middle-long term!
 
1.      Replace a regular incandescent light bulb with a compact fluorescent light bulb (cfl)

CFLs use 60% less energy than a regular bulb. This simple switch will save about 300 pounds of carbon dioxide a year.
 
 
2.      Install a programmable thermostat

Programmable thermostats will automatically lower the heat or air conditioning at night and raise them again in the morning. They can save you $100 a year on your energy bill.
 
3.      Move your thermostat down
 
2° in winter and up 2° in summer
Almost half of the energy we use in our homes goes to heating and cooling. You could save about 2,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year with this simple adjustment. The American Council for an Energy Efficient Economy has more tips for saving energy on heating and cooling.
 
4.      Clean or replace filters on your furnace and air conditioner

Cleaning a dirty air filter can save 350 pounds of carbon dioxide a year.
 
5.      Choose energy efficient appliances when making new purchases

Look for the Energy Star label on new appliances to choose the most efficient models available.
 
6.      Do not leave appliances on standby

Use the "on/off" function on the machine itself. A TV set that's switched on for 3 hours a day (the average time Europeans spend watching TV) and in standby mode during the remaining 21 hours uses about 40% of its energy in standby mode.
 
7.      Wrap your water heater in an insulation blanket

You’ll save 1,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year with this simple action. You can save another 550 pounds per year by setting the thermostat no higher than 50°C.
 
8.      Move your fridge and freezer

Placing them next to the cooker or boiler consumes much more energy than if they were standing on their own. For example, if you put them in a hot cellar room where the room temperature is 30-35ºC, energy use is almost double and causes an extra 160kg of CO2 emissions for fridges per year and 320kg for freezers.
 
9.      Defrost old fridges and freezers regularly

Even better is to replace them with newer models, which all have automatic defrost cycles and are generally up to two times more energy-efficient than their predecessors.
 
10.  Don't let heat escape from your house over a long period

When airing your house, open the windows for only a few minutes. If you leave a small opening all day long, the energy needed to keep it warm inside during six cold months (10ºC or less outside temperature) would result in almost 1 ton of CO2 emissions.
 
11.  Replace your old single-glazed windows with double-glazing

This requires a bit of upfront investment, but will halve the energy lost through windows and pay off in the long term. If you go for the best the market has to offer (wooden-framed double-glazed units with low-emission glass and filled with argon gas), you can even save more than 70% of the energy lost.
 
12.  Get a home energy audit

Many utilities offer free home energy audits to find where your home is poorly insulated or energy inefficient. You can save up to 30% off your energy bill and 1,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year. Energy Star can help you find an energy specialist.
 
13.  Cover your pots while cooking

Doing so can save a lot of the energy needed for preparing the dish. Even better are pressure cookers and steamers: they can save around 70%!
 
14.  Use the washing machine or dishwasher only when they are full

If you need to use it when it is half full, then use the half-load or economy setting. There is also no need to set the temperatures high. Nowadays detergents are so efficient that they get your clothes and dishes clean at low temperatures.
 
 
15.  Take a shower instead of a bath

A shower takes up to four times less energy than a bath. To maximise the energy saving, avoid power showers and use low-flow showerheads, which are cheap and provide the same comfort.
 
16.  Use less hot water

It takes a lot of energy to heat water. You can use less hot water by installing a low flow showerhead (350 pounds of carbon dioxide saved per year) and washing your clothes in cold or warm water (500 pounds saved per year) instead of hot.
 
17.  Use a clothesline instead of a dryer whenever possible

You can save 700 pounds of carbon dioxide when you air dry your clothes for 6 months out of the year.
 
18.  Insulate and weatherize your home

Properly insulating your walls and ceilings can save 25% of your home heating bill and 2,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year. Caulking and weather-stripping can save another 1,700 pounds per year. Energy Efficient has more information on how to better insulate your home.
 
19.  Be sure you’re recycling at home

You can save 2,400 pounds of carbon dioxide a year by recycling half of the waste your household generates.
 
20.  Recycle your organic waste

Around 3% of the greenhouse gas emissions through the methane is released by decomposing bio-degradable waste. By recycling organic waste or composting it if you have a garden, you can help eliminate this problem! Just make sure that you compost it properly, so it decomposes with sufficient oxygen, otherwise your compost will cause methane emissions and smell foul.
 
21.  Buy intelligently

One bottle of 1.5l requires less energy and produces less waste than three bottles of 0.5l. As well, buy recycled paper products: it takes less 70 to 90% less energy to make recycled paper and it prevents the loss of forests worldwide.
 
22.  Choose products
 
 that come with little packaging and buy refills when you can
You will also cut down on waste production and energy use!
 
23.  Reuse your shopping bag

When shopping, it saves energy and waste to use a reusable bag instead of accepting a disposable one in each shop. Waste not only discharges CO2 and methane into the atmosphere, it can also pollute the air, groundwater and soil.
 
24.  Reduce waste

Most products we buy cause greenhouse gas emissions in one or another way, e.g. during production and distribution. By taking your lunch in a reusable lunch box instead of a disposable one, you save the energy needed to produce new lunch boxes.
 
25.  Plant a tree

A single tree will absorb one ton of carbon dioxide over its lifetime. Shade provided by trees can also reduce your air conditioning bill by 10 to 15%. The Arbor Day Foundation has information on planting and provides trees you can plant with membership.
 
26.  Switch to green power

In many areas, you can switch to energy generated by clean, renewable sources such as wind and solar. The Green Power Network is a good place to start to figure out what’s available in your area.
 
27.  Buy locally grown and produced foods

The average meal in the United States travels 1,200 miles from the farm to your plate. Buying locally will save fuel and keep money in your community.
 
28.  Buy fresh foods instead of frozen

Frozen food uses 10 times more energy to produce.
 
29.  Seek out and support local farmers markets

They reduce the amount of energy required to grow and transport the food to you by one fifth. You can find a farmer’s market in your area at the USDA website.
 
30.  Buy organic foods as much as possible

Organic soils capture and store carbon dioxide at much higher levels than soils from conventional farms. If we grew all of our corn and soybeans organically, we’d remove 580 billion pounds of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere!
 
31.  Eat less meat

Methane is the second most significant greenhouse gas and cows are one of the greatest methane emitters. Their grassy diet and multiple stomachs cause them to produce methane, which they exhale with every breath.
 
32.  Reduce the number of miles you drive by walking, biking, carpooling or taking mass transit wherever possible

Avoiding just 10 miles of driving every week would eliminate about 500 pounds of carbon dioxide emissions a year! Look for transit options in your area.
 
33.  Start a carpool with your coworkers or classmates

Sharing a ride with someone just 2 days a week will reduce your carbon dioxide emissions by 1,590 pounds a year. ERideShare.com runs a free national service connecting commuters and travelers.
 
34.  Don't leave an empty roof rack on your car

This can increase fuel consumption and CO2 emissions by up to 10% due to wind resistance and the extra weight - removing it is a better idea.
 
35.  Keep your car tuned up

Regular maintenance helps improve fuel efficiency and reduces emissions. When just 1% of car owners properly maintain their cars, nearly a billion pounds of carbon dioxide are kept out of the atmosphere.
 
36.  Drive carefully and do not waste fuel

You can reduce CO2 emissions by readjusting your driving style. Choose proper gears, do not abuse the gas pedal, use the engine brake instead of the pedal brake when possible and turn off your engine when your vehicle is motionless for more than one minute. By readjusting your driving style you can save money on both fuel and car mantainance.
 
37.  Check your tires weekly to make sure they’re properly inflated

Proper inflation can improve gas mileage by more than 3%. Since every gallon of gasoline saved keeps 20 pounds of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, every increase in fuel efficiency makes a difference!
 
38.  When it is time for a new car, choose a more fuel efficient vehicle

You can save 3,000 pounds of carbon dioxide every year if your new car gets only 3 miles per gallon more than your current one. You can get up to 60 miles per gallon with a hybrid! You can find information on fuel efficiency on Fuel Economy and on Green Cars websites.
 
39.  Try car sharing

Need a car but don’t want to buy one? Community car sharing organizations provide access to a car and your membership fee covers gas, maintenance and insurance. Many companies – such as Flex car - offer low emission or hybrid cars too!
 
40.  Try telecommuting from home

Telecommuting can help you drastically reduce the number of miles you drive every week. For more information, check out the Telework Coalition.
 
41.  Fly less

Air travel produces large amounts of emissions so reducing how much you fly by even one or two trips a year can reduce your emissions significantly. You can also offset your air travel by investing in renewable energy projects.
 
42.  Encourage your school or business to reduce emissions

You can extend your positive influence on global warming well beyond your home by actively encouraging other to take action.
 
43.  Join the virtual march

The Stop Global Warming Virtual March is a non-political effort to bring people concerned about global warming together in one place. Add your voice to the hundreds of thousands of other people urging action on this issue.
 
44.  Encourage the switch to renewable energy

Successfully combating global warming requires a national transition to renewable energy sources such as solar, wind and biomass. These technologies are ready to be deployed more widely but there are regulatory barriers impeding them. Take action to break down those barriers with Vote Solar.
 
45.  Protect and conserve forest worldwide

Forests play a critial role in global warming: they store carbon. When forests are burned or cut down, their stored carbon is release into the atmosphere - deforestation now accounts for about 20% of carbon dioxide emissions each year. Conservation International has more information on global warming and forests.
 
46.  Consider the impact of your investments

If you invest your money, you should consider the impact that your investments and savings will have on global warming. Check out Social Invest and Ceres to can learn more about how to ensure your money is being invested in companies, products and projects that address issues related to climate change.
 
47.  Make your city cool

Cities and states around the country have taken action to stop global warming by passing innovative transportation and energy saving legislation. 194 cities nationwide representing over 40 million people have made this pledge as part of the U.S. Mayors Climate Protection Agreement. Find out how to make your city a cool city.
 
48.  Tell Congress to act

The McCain Lieberman Climate Stewardship and Innovation Act would set a firm limit on carbon dioxide emissions and then use free market incentives to lower costs, promote efficiency and spur innovation. Tell your representative to support it.
 
49.  Make sure your voice is heard!

Americans must have a stronger commitment from their government in order to stop global warming and implement solutions and such a commitment won’t come without a dramatic increase in citizen lobbying for new laws with teeth. Get the facts about U.S. politicians and candidates at Project Vote Smart and The League of Conservation Voters. Make sure your voice is heard by voting!
 
50.  Share this list!

Send this page via e-mail to your friends! Spread this list worldwide and help people doing their part: the more people you will manage to enlighten, the greater YOUR help to save the planet will be

 

9 Words women use & if MAN IS not alert,will pay heavily in Emotions

9 Words women use & if  MAN IS not alert,will pay heavily in Emotions
9words
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and
you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to     --- watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'nothing' usually end in 'fine.'

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about
nothing. (Refer back to #3
for the meaning of 'nothing.')

6.) That's okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can  make to a man.
'That's okay' means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say
"You're welcome."

8.) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is  --- something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it  herself.
This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?"
For the woman's     ----- response refer to #3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid breaking up with their girlfriend ---if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, 'cause they --know it's true.

 

Then You Grew

When I held you in my arms for the very first time,
I thought I could never love you more. . . .
but then you grew…

In those precious baby times-- through your first smile,
your first tooth, your first steps,
I thought I could never love you more. . .
but then you grew…

And in those sweet toddler times-- the endless days of curiosity
and adventures and discoveries,
I thought I could never love you more. . .
Then you grew…

And in those wonderful little girl times-- those days of hurt knees and hurt feelings
of making friends and taking in the world around you,
I thought I could never love you more. . .
but then you grew…

And in those lovely young woman times-- those times of moods
and mysteries, and joys and heartaches,
I thought I could never love you more. . .
but again, you grew….

And still, always, day by day,
you keep growing. . .
more and more beautiful. . .
nearer and dearer to my heart.
and I thought I could never love you more..

- Anon

“BAI” GOD!

Yes, the "Bai" is truly God in our lives, isn't she? All you women out there who run homes and deal with temperamental house help will understand what I'm trying to say. In India, it's hard to ape the west and do household chores ourselves. We have different food habits, different lifestyles, lots of dust….in short we are definitely dependent on the "Bai" or house help!

But, believe me, we have lots to learn from the Bai…
Have you ever noticed their direct approach in life? When they come for a job interview, all they want to know is "how much salary?" They never elaborate on their timings of work, their skills etc.

Noticed their method of getting their due? When they want an advance, they want an advance. If you dilly dally, they threaten to walk out, so you just have to agree.

The Bai has attitude! If you remind her of what you gave her last Diwali, how you paid for her kid's schooling or the advances you gave her when she needed them, and expect gratitude, forget it! She will turn around and say with complete confidence, " But that is your duty, you wanted to do it so you did it. Everybody does it!". Such comments have often left me speechless.

Bais have mastered the art of "mukti" or not being attached to anything or anyone. They are truly evolved and have reached the level of Nirvana because they never get attached to worldly things. If they are working for you, they love your kids, say they are devoted to you and will only work for you! Let someone offer them Rs. 50 more in terms of salary, and they will walk out. There is no attachment, no loyalty or word of honour then.

Every time the Bai takes leave unannounced ( whenever I have guests or have some urgent work to be done) I have threatened her with a salary cut for her absenteeism. But she has always outsmarted me with her innovative thinking: "No body cuts salary, if you don't like my work I will leave" I have never understood the connection, and now I have given up trying to as well. We, and our politicians need to learn from the Bai how to deflect issues. They have mastered the art!

To conclude, all I can say is "Bai God!"
- Rasika

Too Busy to Notice

Of late I've found myself annoyed by how busy my friends seem. Putting aside the possibility that they are avoiding me, some are always on-the-go that they barely have time to tell me they do not have time to talk. Every phone call, no matter how short, seems to be interrupted by several others.

I consider my life to be somewhat filled and fulfilling. I have a husband and two children, work part time, exercise several times a week (well, usually) and socialize regularly. I also have time to read novels, catch a movie or play once in a while and have the occasional long lunch with a friend ( should I be embarrasses admitting this?)

In our busy, busy world, however, I sometimes feel as if I am the odd one out. Although those who are overworked and overwhelmed complain ceaselessly, often sounding boastful! I have realized that "busyness" differs from person to person. Every person has a different threshold. One of my friends finds one social engagement too much, whereas others love to party, party and party! Some may even trade in a little stress in stead of boredom, if they were doing something they enjoyed!

I know there are people who need to work for a living, who must work long hours in order to survive. But I am talking about those who love the self-imposed frenetic pace! I see it as unnecessary, but that's my personal opinion.

Frankly, if you ask me, too many people today are too busy to even notice that they are busy. By the time they realize, life has invariably passed them by. So, isn't it important to wake up to what exactly we are busy with? In stead of racing through life, going no where, shouldn't we start investing in relationships, things we love to do and find time for the people we love to meet?

- Alina

Of Cell Phones & Impatience…

I have never thought of myself as an impatient person, but the other day I discovered, cell phones had made me impatient! Let me tell you how….


When I call someone on the land line and there is no reply, I kind of take it for granted they are out, and I should call back later. But I don't seem to use the same logic when it comes to cell phones. If someone doesn't answer, or they don't return my missed call, it makes me impatient! I consider them impolite or even ill-mannered. My impatience makes me jump to conclusions!


I remember reading a piece about this doctor who was unable to use his cell phone, and his impatience almost drove him from busy to crazy! It drove him nuts to use a land line, and he got impatient waiting for the dial to return to start. He tried to think rationally and tried timing how long it took for the dial to return to start. To his surprise, it only took eleven seconds! That's when he realized how he had become a man in a hurry even when there was no reason to hurry!


Every time my teenaged son mumbles into his incessantly ringing cell phone it makes me mad! Here we are in the midst of a serious conversation and off he goes into a totally different world! This happens at work too. I'm just about getting an important point across to my team, when one of them gets a call on the cell phone. Yes, he's put it on silent, but nevertheless I see his attention waver! I have to start all over again…


People are known to disrupt important meetings when they get a call and say " oh! This one's important. I need to take it" Was there a life before the cell phone? Didn't we have important issues to deal with, those days? How on earth did we manage to?


I often think why is this happening to us? Is it really happening to us or are we doing it to ourselves? Cell phones are just a touch away, they are a status symbol and give one a kind of "high". Are we afraid to slow down? Is it this innate desire for control that is making people lose it?


- Ritika

Mom’s The Word!

 

Some people ( or should I say most people) never seem to realize how lucky they are. I am grateful for every day that passes, for all that I have. I don't really mean how much I own or what I possess, but the wealth of relationships in my bag! My family, parents, siblings, husband, friends… the crazy times, the closeness, the love.

Of course I complain "sometimes" ( my husband and kids would like to alter that I'm sure, to "almost always" ) – as a mom I think I have reason enough. Being a mom isn't easy, and what makes it even more difficult, is the fact that this is a thankless job. For all that you do as a mom, 30 years down the line, someone will still take a look at your kid ( now an adult of course) and pronounce rather grandly " raised all wrong!"

Even though I get hassled about small things, worry about a child's cold, get tired putting their toys away or cleaning up messy rooms, when I sit back to think, I know motherhood is a thankless job, but it is still worthwhile.

I'd love to network with all those moms out there and soon we can have a Moms Blog where we can air our worries / anxieties! I'd love to share what motherhood has taught me, and I'm sure lots of you out there have lots of practical experience I could learn and benefit from.

So lets get started! Blog away…

- Dipika

Growing Up!

 

Aaah! Those growing up years, when you just can't wait to grow up and "feel" grown up! How we longed for it! Years which are beautiful only in hindsight.

My sister and I were just two years apart. Torturing each other was the most important thing in life, at that moment. We fought about everything there was to fight about: whose friends were more obnoxious, who was mom's favourite, who would get the better dress that birthday, who messed up the room and who would tidy it up.

We even fought over the family dog! Who would walk him, who he would sleep with and who he loved more. Snoopy was a delirious Beagle who took great pride in how fast he could swish his tail and lick us at the same time. I would conveniently make up stories about how Snoopy had slobbered all over me and that was enough for the weeping willow!

We considered each other a waste of human space, and didn't hesitate to say so. Several tearful days followed, as did the parent's wrath. Dad always said once you both grow up, you won't be able to live without each other. Yes, we believed him like life would be full of Sundays! We scoffed the very thought and couldn't wait for each other to get out of the room, house and lives!

School was the other nightmare! Having this lil' sister winging around and I got ticked off by the teachers for all that she hadn't done. Being constantly told that I was the role model and had to set an example got my goat. Why couldn't she just be a separate individual?

Why were we clubbed together like Siamese twins? People felt obliged to invite her when they invited me to birthday parties / movies. I'd much rather have just dropped her in the garbage bin than have to suffer her for a whole evening. I often told her she was adopted and reduced her to tears. Sounds mean in hindsight, but I enjoyed seeing that expression on her face those days and loved it when the water works started!

Wonder if others go through these streaks of "hating" the sibling or am I different?
- Shirin

What can I do to prevent abuse in the long run?

More needs to be done to challenge and change the social structures that allow women and children to be abused in the first place. For example, women are still often denied power or resources because they are women. As long as this continues, violence against women will too.

Many prevention programs focus on helping people who have been abused to not be abused again. We need to address the root causes of violence as well, and take measures to improve the position of women and children in society.

How you can make a difference

Here are some things you can do to help build an abuse-free community:

Support organizations that help people deal with violence
This could include your local women's shelter, advocacy centre or child protection agency.

Your support could improve the help that is available and how quickly they get it.

Support parenting and school programs that look at teacher training and curriculum.
All children must learn from an early age that oppression and violence of any kind are not acceptable.

This is more possible if they learn in school not to be sexist, racist, or homophobic (anti-gay).

Explore positive ways to discipline children
Seek ways to punish them that aren't physical. Be aware that other ways you deal with your children can affect them emotionally. For example, children get strong messages from the way you speak to them.

Expose them to positive, caring kinds of physical touch. That way they will know the difference if they are being abused.

Talk openly with your children about abuse
How you talk to them may depend on their age. Tell them that they have a right to be free from abuse of any kind from anyone. This includes family members.

Challenge stereotypes of women and families in the media.
Organize your community to demand that there be less violence on television.

Speak out against human rights violations of any kind.
It's important for children to see adults around them who will not tolerate any type of violence. This can be either personal, or violence that's part of the larger system. No one deserves to be abused, no matter what their gender, age, race, culture, religious faith, sexual orientation, or ability.

Get help for yourself if you use physical force to control anyone in your life.
The United Nations has declared 2000-2010 the Decade of Non-Violence. We can all start now working in our own homes and communities to stop violence against women and children.

What is known about the abuse of older adults?

It is hard to find reliable information on this type of abuse. It is impossible to compare what studies have found. This is partly because each study defines the age group differently. They may also define abuse differently.

Still, there is some information available. It is known that most victims are mentally competent and do not need constant care. Also, those who have mental or physical disabilities are at greater risk.

Why do many older adults not report abuse?

Probably more older adults are abused than we know. This is because many hesitate to tell anyone. Many do not take any action against their abusers.

There are many reasons for this. An older adult who is being abused may:

be embarrassed or ashamed
be afraid of what the abuser will do to them if they report the abuse
feel that the police and social services cannot really help them
fear being rejected by loved ones
worry that they will be put in an institution.


Who is likely to cause this abuse?

Most often the abuser is a family member or someone the person knows and trusts. For example, in one study more than half of older men were abused by their adult children. For older women, it was most often a spouse (42%) or their children (37%).

When an older person suffers violence from a family member, it is most likely by the children. This was true in almost half the cases. In more than eight out of ten cases, sons committed these crimes. An older person can also be abused by:

A landlord

Staff in a facility
Anyone working for them.
How do I recognize abuse of older adults?

Older adults who are abused may:

Be depressed, fearful or anxious
Seem more passive than normal
Have injuries that aren't explained
Look like they aren't eating or getting enough fluids
Have poor hygiene, rashes or sores
Look like they are on too much medication.
There are other signs of abuse of older adults. For example, if money or personal items go missing for no reason, it may be because of abuse.

No one should jump to conclusions. Still, we need to take signs and symptoms seriously. Someone could just be neglecting themselves. But it could also turn out to be abuse.

An abused older person often needs the same type of support as an abused woman. Go to Question #4 to learn about specific ways you can help.

What is abuse of older adults?

A simple definition is that an older adult is mistreated by someone:

who they trust
who has power over them
who is responsible for their care.
Abuse of older adults is also called "elder abuse" or "abuse of seniors." Older people can be abused in their own homes. They may also be abused in institutions. Examples are nursing homes, group homes or rooming houses.

Older women are also abused by their partners. Recent studies suggest that this abuse continues as they age.

What forms does abuse of older adults take?

Here are some specific ways that older adults can be abused.

Physical abuse

This can mean causing someone to be physically uncomfortable. It can also mean hurting or injuring them. Someone is abusing an older adult when they:

slap, beat or burn them
give them too much or too little medication
handle them roughly
keep them confined, or use restraints to keep them from moving.
Psychological abuse

Psychological abuse decreases an older person's sense of who they are. It also harms their dignity and self-worth. Someone is committing this abuse when they:

swear, yell or call someone names
insult or threaten them
imitate or make fun of them
give them the "silent treatment", or refuse to talk to them in their mother tongue
make them feel they are "just too much trouble", or treat them like a child
threaten to take away services they need.
Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse of older persons is generally ignored because people don't think of them as being sexually active. It can range from fondling to sexual assault by partners or caregivers.

Financial abuse

Financial abuse involves misusing an older person's money or property. A person is abusing someone in this way when they:

steal an older person's money or possessions
forge a signature on pension cheques or legal documents
misuse the Power of Attorney
force or trick an older adult into selling or giving away their property.
Neglect

Neglect means refusing to meet the needs of an older adult who cannot meet those needs on their own. A caregiver is neglecting someone when they:

deny someone their basic needs (food, water, medical treatment, nursing services, clothing and visitors)
refuse to help them dress, bathe or go to the toilet.
prevent someone from using important things they need like glasses, a cane, hearing aids or a wheelchair.
Neglect can also mean taking away a person's right to make decisions about their own life and health. This can include taking away their right to refuse service or treatment.

What should I do if I suspect child abuse?

Should I tell someone?

In most parts of Canada, the law says you must tell child protection authorities right away if you know or think that a child is being abused. If you are not sure whether to make a report, contact a local child protection service.

You can also turn to these services in your area:

Child welfare agency
Police department
Hospital
Distress centre
Other community agencies that work with children and families. There are many that work with specific cultural groups as well.
Many of these organizations are listed with the emergency telephone numbers near the first page of your telephone directory.

Reporting is not hard, and it doesn't take up a lot of time. You don't have to give your name. In all cases, you will be protected against any legal action. The only exception would be if you made the report falsely.

Why don't more people report child abuse?

People may not recognize its signs and symptoms. This is true of both professionals and non-professionals. Others may not understand that they do not need proof to make a report. They just need to have good reason to believe that abuse is happening or has happened.

Some people still believe that children are the property of their parents and that abuse in the family is a private matter. Also, caregivers often threaten children so they will not tell.

Several other factors make people hesitate to report abuse. For example, people may:

Feel that it is shameful and should be kept secret.
Deny that child abuse and neglect are harmful.
Fear what will happen if authorities get involved.
Not know how to go about reporting abuse or finding help.
Believe that children lie about being abused.
Children almost never lie about being abused. Studies have found that this only happens less than 1-2% of the time.

What can I say to a child who tells me about abuse?

If you suspect or find out that a child has been abused, you may be unsure of what to do. You may feel overwhelmed, and be afraid of saying the wrong thing.

It is important to leave the investigation up to police and the child welfare agency. However, there are some basic things you can do to help:

Reassure the child:
"I believe you."

"You are not alone."

"The abuse is not your fault."

"It's good that you told me. You did the right thing."

Explain what will happen next if possible:
"I have to share what you told me with some people. They can help you and your family."

Offer to stay with the child for support.
Children who want help can also call the Kids' Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868.

We each have a responsibility to the children in our communities. We owe it to them to respect and respond to their needs. One way to do this is to educate yourself about the different forms of abuse.

How common is child abuse

Child abuse is a common problem.

In the past ten years more and more people are reporting when they think a child is being abused or neglected. Also, police and child protection agencies are finding more children than ever who need protecting. Still, it is estimated that less than one in ten child abuse cases is ever reported to authorities.

It is hard to find reliable Canadian statistics on child abuse. The National Incidence Study on Child Abuse and Neglect (Health Canada) is currently underway. It will estimate the nature and extent of child abuse and neglect that has been reported.

Other groups have done studies over the years. The results from some of them are below. When viewed together they suggest just how common a problem child abuse is.

Child protection

In 1992, child protection authorities put about 40,000 Canadian children into foster care or other settings away from their home. In many of these cases, abuse was a factor.

In Ontario in 1993, Children's Aid Society investigated over 13,000 cases of child physical abuse. This is compared to 3,546 ten years earlier. Children 3 years old or younger are most often investigated for neglect. Children 12 to 15 years old are most often investigated for physical abuse.

Information on abusers

In a national study, abused women reported that their partners had also abused their children:

physically – 26% of the time
psychologically – 48% of the time
sexually – 7% of the time
Another study reported that almost all sexual abusers of both boys and girls are heterosexual males. Children know their abuser in over eight out of ten cases. More than four out of ten are fathers or father figures.

More than one in four lesbian, gay and bisexual youth go through violence at home after they tell their family about their sexuality.

Children with disabilities

Almost half the time that children with disabilities are abused, it is by someone they know through having a disability. One study found that more than half of boys who are deaf have been sexually abused. It is estimated that 5-10% of disabilities result from severe neglect. Violence is often involved as well.

Witnessing abuse

Over three in ten children who witness abuse are also physically abused themselves. Children witness between 40 - 80% of assaults on their mothers.

No matter how common it is, no child should have to deal with abuse of any kind

What is child abuse?

Child abuse happens when an adult mistreats or neglects a child. The person who abuses is misusing their position of trust and authority. This could be a parent, guardian, paid caregiver or sibling.

Children depend upon adults to protect them, support them and help them survive. Being abused damages their sense of safety. It also makes them more likely to be abused and exploited in the future.

Child abuse is a silent crime. It can happen in all cultures, social classes, and religions. Also, children with disabilities are more at risk for abuse.

What forms does child abuse take?

A child can be abused in different ways. Following are just some examples:

Physical abuse

Physical abuse means inflicting physical harm on a child's body. It may involve abusing a child a single time, or it may involve a pattern of incidents. Some examples are:

Shaking, choking, biting, kicking or burning a child
Handling a child roughly when helping them with dressing and going to the bathroom
Using force or restraint in any other harmful way.
Often the parents feel they need to physically punish or discipline the child. They may also think what they are doing is good for the child. An example of this is female genital mutilation (also known as "female circumcision").

Physical abuse sometimes leaves the child with a permanent disability. For example, a child may end up deaf, become paraplegic or have brain or spinal cord injury.

Sexual abuse

This happens when an adult or adolescent uses a child for sexual purposes. It can also mean exposing them to sexual activity or behaviour. It can include:

touching and kissing a child's breasts or genitals
inviting the child to touch someone else sexually
having sex with a child family member
forcing a child into prostitution or pornography.
Child sexual abuse is usually repeated, and can go on for a long time. It is also emotionally abusive.

Sexual abuse is against the law in Canada. Yet it is probably the form of abuse that people report the least.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse includes other acts that can harm a child's sense of worth. It is usually part of a long-term problem.

It harms a child's self-confidence when an adult insults, rejects or humiliates them often. Other examples of emotional abuse include:

Isolating a child - keeping them away from other children, or removing their wheelchair or hearing aids.
Intimidating or terrorizing a child - locking children in closets or basements, threatening or shouting at them, making them fear the adult.
Exploiting a child - having them do things children don't normally do, like working when they should be in school.
Making unreasonable demands - telling them to play outside without getting dirty. Telling them to change their homosexual orientation if they want to stay living at home.
Neglect

Neglect means not giving the child what they need to develop. It can hurt the child both emotionally and physically. A parent or caregiver is neglecting a child when they:

don't make them feel loved, wanted, safe and worthy
don't let them see a doctor or take personal care of themselves
don't intervene when the child is at risk of harm
deny them an education
deny food, clothing and shelter, even though they can afford to provide them
leave the child alone at home too often. Parents are responsible for watching over their children until they are at least 16.
Witnessing woman abuse

Seeing a woman being abused makes children feel less worthy. It keeps them in a constant state of anxiety and fear.

It can affect them just as badly as being abused directly. They may also be hurt trying to protect their mother, or be used as hostages.

When a woman is abused by her partner, her children learn that:

Love and pain go together
People use force to solve problems
People need to give in to keep the peace.
Ritual abuse

People generally understand ritual abuse to be extreme abuse that goes on for a long time. In this case the adults use their religious or political beliefs to defend the abuse.

Ritual abuse often includes:

mind control
torture
murder
child pornography
prostitution.

How do I respond to a woman who is being abused?

We know that abused women still rely most on friends, neighbours and family for support and help. You may also suspect or know that someone close to you is being abused.

Here are some ways you can help:

Be supportive
Listen to her, believe her, and don't judge her. Let her know she is not alone.
Give her time to make her own decisions. Don't tell her what to do, or that she should go back and try a little harder. Don't rescue her by trying to find quick solutions.
Let her talk about the caring parts of the relationship. Don't put her down for staying with her partner.
Instead, share information on how abuse gets worse over time if no one does anything about it.
Help her focus on the good things about herself and about her children. But don't tell her she should stay for the sake of the children.
Respect her confidentiality - keep things private if she asks you to.
Help her find services. Find out about services she can use and tell her about them. Depending on her needs, make sure they:
offer language or cultural interpretation
are accessible to people with disabilities
can care for her children if she needs it
are gay-positive if that's important to her.
Never recommend joint family or couple counselling if there is emotional or physical abuse. It is dangerous for a woman. If they want counselling, separate counselling can be helpful.
Help her plan for an emergency
Safety is the first priority. If you believe she is in danger, tell her. Help her plan an emergency exit. Don't put yourself in danger by confronting the abuser.
Encourage her to get ready to leave home in a hurry. Help her get together items she needs, such as:
credit cards
cash
bank books
passport
birth certificates
citizenship papers
house keys
medications
her children's favourite toys
clothing
What can I say to her?

Give clear messages, including:

Violence is never okay. There is never a good reason for it.
Her safety and her children's safety are always most important.
She does not cause the abuse. Her partner is responsible for the abuse.
She cannot change her partner's behaviour.
Apologies and promises will not end the violence.
She is not alone. She is not crazy.
Abuse is not loss of control. It is something people use to control others.
The violence affects the children.
It is a crime to assault a partner.
She may be too fearful or confused to take any step right away. Be encouraged that she is reaching out for help. Every time she does this, she is gaining the strength she will need when she is ready to make decisions.
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